I Hooked Up With A Drug Kingpins Ex-Wife.
This was about 6 years ago. I was living on my friends couch. I thought I was about to be a famous comedian taking the world by storm. In the meantime though, I was working as a bouncer in a latin club, a crackin' latin club. I mean this place was lit. 2000 people in the club. About 300 more than the fire marshal allowed. Every night
Keep in mind I’m the only white boy in the building. Over one thousand girls a night coming coming through in tight dresses and high heals looking to shake their ass. Every night.
Needless to say,as a red blooded american male in his mid twenties I was taking plenty of my work home with me. Getting that unpaid over time. Every night.
Every thing was going amazing.
And on a night just like every other night.
Thin, tall, long flowing hair. Beautiful big natural breasts. And a butt like a sculpture. The crowd would part when she walked in. Her eyes went through everyone, until they got to me. Then I was the only thing she looked at.
When she got close to me, I could see how beautiful she was. Her green eyes shined in the dark club. But her face was covered in scars. Her nose had been broken at least once. It was obvious she was abused,
I didn’t know anything about her at the time, except that someone had done a number on her.
Despite the past trauma, she had confidence. I like confidence.
She walked right up to me and said hi, and we started flirting and all that. She didn’t speak English but I knew what guapo means. She would break off to go get drinks and dance with her friends but she was always in my area. She would slide her butt across my junk when she walked past, or touch my hand,
She would look me right in the eyes and smile every time.
The first night she came I don’t think anything happened other than some flirting. Maybe some kissing, might of squeezed her butt or something.
To be honest that would happen kind of often.
So I didn’t think too much of it at the time except she was just plain hotter than the other girls.
But, she came back. The second time she stayed and after I got out she was waiting for me.
We basically started a purely sexual relationship at that point. Sometimes I would go pick her up, or sometimes she would come to the club.
She was so wild. Like she was possessed. Anywhere anytime anyhow.
I bent her over the trunk of my car on the roof of a parking structure at 3am. Hotel rooms, all over the furniture. In the alley behind the club, next to the dumpster.
It wasn’t just that she wanted it every where, it was how she would go after it.
Like my dick was the first glass of water she saw after getting lost in the desert. It was awesome. And things went on like that just fine.
At this point its important to mention that she was living in Compton.
L.A. Riots, NWA. Bloods Crips, Compton.
So one day I go down there to pick her up, I had the night off but she had work So I get her around 11 at night. She looked so good. She dressed up like she was going to the club, but it was all for me.
All we ended up doing that night is bone in my car, but, my dumbass happened to be driving a bright red chevy cobalt coup. In Compton.
So there we are in my bright red car, just parked in a neighbor hood, around midnight now. I'm in the driver seat.I can barely pull my pants down just far enough to get my meat out and She’s already naked except her heels, riding me like my dick shoots 24k gold and she’s trying to get rich. Titties bouncing all over my face. So far 5 of 5 stars on the evening.
This isn’t my first car fucking rodeo here boys. Im checking the mirrors and looking around in between trying to catch bouncing titties in my mouth. Head on a swivel, staying alert. Good thing I was because I see I white Tahoe with white big ass 22’s and blacked out limo tint on every window, pull halfway into the T- intersection that me and her are T’d off of.
It pulls halfway across the top of the T. Stops. Pauses. And then fucking reverses backwards out of sight from whence it came.
Believe me when I say, MY spider sense was fucking tingling. But I’m a rational man. Maybe he’s really bad at parallel parking or something. After all, Im getting titties bounced in my face and she’s working me like a jockey riding at the Kentucky derby. No need to end this over a bad parker.
It wasn’t parallel parking.
It came back into the intersection with its windows down and 4 big loked out gangsters inside. I don’t know if they were bloods or crips, but they weren't looking friendly, they were looking directly at my red car.
They looked like this dude.
This time they didn’t stop and go back, they don’t go straight through either,
I throw her off me so hard show almost flies out the passenger window, her nails are dug into the headliner and the seat like a cartoon cat being dragged away.
The keys are luckily still in the ignition, I start it, peel out tires screaming out of fear and friction. Im ripping down the sharpest corners I can as fast as I can I’m in the coup, they got the V8.
I’m pulling drift moves through this neighborhood like Fast n’Furious with my dick still out, hard as rock, don’t know if its from her or its fear boner. She has no idea whats going on. she’s still butt naked no seatbelt, trying play with by balls. She just thinks this is how I wanted to get down that night.
Just banging and joyriding in the hood at midnight.
She was down.
Now I don’t know how many turns I made or how many stop signs and lights I blew, but I got the fuck out of there faster than a cheetah with Nike’s and Mario kart star power.
We didn’t actually go far but we got away, we lost their asses. and pulled to a more industrial area and parked between some trucks.
But I still had that adrenaline’d up, fear boner though. and she had no idea what was going on.
She never saw the Tahoe. And she doesn’t speak english so I cant explain it to her. What she does know?
I drive like a mad man, and I gave her that fear boner something proper. Thats what she knows. She wasn’t the crazy one that night. I was.
Each time we hooked up, I would learn a little more about her, and her past.
Turns out she was the ex wife of some Mexican cartel general or some shit. I figured the more I knew the worse it would be. She she had fled to the U.S. with their children to escape him, his men, and his abuses.
We eventually had a pregnancy scare, over a broken condom. She exceeded the maximum freakiness of the latex prophylactic, and rendered my it a sunder under the veracity of her pelvic dexterity and go getter attitude.
It was the pregnancy scare that made me rethink the whole situation. I don’t accidentally want to have a kid who’s step brothers with cartel kids and shit like that. I don’t need that in my life neither does my potential accidental child.
Moral of the story!
Don't drive a red car to south central to bang drug cartel dons ex-wives in the hood.
This blog post is the script of a storytelling video I’m in the process of shooting. Subscribers will be notified as soon as the video is uploaded. Drop your email in the box on the homepage to get it.